i think my tv is drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
