He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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