i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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