So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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