Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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