So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
