i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
