Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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