found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
