the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
