this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
