you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
