hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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