Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
