I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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