Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
