I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
