Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
