Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
