New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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