Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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