My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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