Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We were destined to go to rehab together
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
