Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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