BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
