Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
