It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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