She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
