this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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