so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All the doctor said was why
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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