you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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