I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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