I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
