take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
