his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
