Nicole vs. Life
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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