well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
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she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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