in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The best revenge is premature balding
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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