he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
