this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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