How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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