Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
