Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
