Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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