I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
