oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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