I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
