im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
this hospital has no fireball
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
