I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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