Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
