she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
