I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
