85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
