Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he was CRYING into my vagina
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
