today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
