I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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