Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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