He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
