trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
