dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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