told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
