Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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