As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
