cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize