WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
