I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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