He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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