I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
