$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
