okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
