I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
