There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize