Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
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