Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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