Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
