He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
