My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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