I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
