So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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