We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
