i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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