My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Man, jail baloney is awful.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
