so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The uberlube is also flammable
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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