So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
