My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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