fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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