I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
