I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
