My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
