I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
the raccoons are back...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
