I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
