Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
