she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
