my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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