Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
