So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
