I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
