Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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