Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
