i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
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Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
how does that bad decision feel?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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