I think I died a long time ago.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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